Help! I’m Turning into My Mother

by Texas Stready

I first noticed I was turning into my mother when I lost control of a plastic cup I was removing from the dishwasher. As it tumbled to the kitchen floor I shrieked as if I’d happened across a troll. Just like Cathee Poulsen.

At 10 years old this same sound brought me darting from my bedroom, Barbie in hand, eager to see what was happening. After I figured it out I thought, “Why does she scream like that? It’s so silly. I’ll never do that.”

But now—I do it. It’s true. Same pitch and panic even.

Ugg! What’s happening to me.

Take A Look

Things are changing. Constantly changing. And often it feels out-of-control. Because much of it is way beyond our ability to reach. Mentally or physically.

I have two close friends who are losing their battle with cancer. One has fought for years and even beat cancer before, while the other was diagnosed and within six months is in Hospice. Tragic.

Talk about powerless. That’s how I feel.

I get the whole Alcoholics Anonymous, powerless, deal. Once I pick up a drug I lose my ability to say “No.” This is soooooo true. I’ve proven it over and over again. But this kinda powerlessness takes over after I make the wrong choice. The inability I feel to help my friends live, or to stop becoming my mom, is a different lack of power. One that doesn’t seem to give me a choice.

Always A Choice

Perspective is everything. Seeing all the negatives brings more negative but looking on the bright side makes things brighter. There is purpose and peace, objectivity and opportunity in every single circumstance. Even the ones we have no control over.

Looking to the All-powerful, Ever-perfect, Decision-maker is always our best bet. No matter where we are in this sometimes torturous process, that option is available to us.

As followers of Christ we have access to the sovereignty of God. Wow!

This means when things are beyond your ability to change, or even understand, you can gain the power to handle them well by turning to the appropriate source.

No Answers

I’ve finally arrived at the place where I’m able to accept the fact that there are many things in life that can’t be rationalized or realized. This is the spot where the phrase, “I don’t know and I don’t care” is actually a plus.

You don’t know everything, you can’t know everything, and you shouldn’t know everything. And the “I don’t care” part is accepting that fact.

The most important thing for each of us to recognize is the purpose for our placement. Things won’t happen as they should if you don’t know your role. And although there are many things you will never have control over, your heart is not one of them.

You see, as long as you possess cognitive reasoning you can say “No” and then make the decision to turn to the only dependable source. God.

Loosen Your Grip

As I write I cry. I’m loosing my friends. I don’t understand it and I certainly don’t like it, but I don’t get to make that choice. The only real choice I have in life is, “What will I do with me while I’m here?”

So how do we handle all the thoughts and feelings? All the questions, arguments, and misunderstandings?

Turn them over. That’s how. Turn it all over to the One. The One who carries all and cares about all; the One who can do something about anything in a moment’s notice.

Now What?

Things are exactly as they should be.

And we must trust that God doesn’t owe us an explanation and He is indeed at work. In us and around us. He’s got a plan. A good one.

And so…every passing year with every pretty picture—my hair, my smile, my eyes.

More and more of her.

But that ain’t so bad. In fact, there are hundreds of fabulous things I’d never have, know, or be without the great “Catwoman.”

“God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”